I’m writing you a bonkbuster,

A good old-fashioned tum-twirler.

You’ll read it and your pulse will race,

Your libido reactivate!

You’ll take it everywhere with you,

Down to the beach, into the loo!

You’ll read it way beyond midnight,

Then wake your man to his delight!

You’ll swoon over the glitterati,

Their ghastly problems, lavish parties!

The stunts they pull will blow your mind

(Ambitious people are rarely kind).

Actors, popstars, horses too,

My bonkbuster is sans taboo!

Geneva, Ibiza and Saint Tropez,

With gasps and giggles all the way!