BONKERS

A bonkers thing happened to me,

I lost my swimsuit in the sea!

It happened while trying to save,

A famous man from starstruck babes.

Deceived by his mad agent’s snare,

His ghastly fate I couldn’t bare.

I’d met this man before, you see,

He flew to Ibiza next to me.

We’d spoken for a little while,

His caramel eyes had me beguiled.

I offered him a lift, some help,

He desperately needed a hotel.

Sadly, there was room at the inn,

It bummed me out when he checked in.

My half-baked plans had fallen flat,

I really thought that that was that.

Then fate got funky, as it can,

And led me straight back to this man!

As I lay baking on a beach,

A boat sailed in laden with freaks!

A fan club party, bloody hell!

I knew that type of clientele.

Giddy, they waited on the shore,

To see the dude they so adored.

I saw him come, I had to act,

I couldn’t see that man attacked.

As his yacht sailed into our view,

I quickly swam to his rescue.

But on the way I lost my top,

I flailed around but it was lost!

I checked my bottom, was it there?

Oh, flippin’ eck my bum was bare!

But that’s not all, things got much worse!

Life really can be quite perverse.

I felt a sting; this was the pits,

A jellyfish had stung my bits!

That famous man had heard me scream,

And sent a member of his team.

He dove right in, this brave young man,

And pushed me out with his bare hands!

So, there I was, bare-bummed and all,

On board a boat; frankly appalled.

The famous man said, “Oh it’s you!”

Far more adventures did ensue!

Things got quite steamy, oh my lord,

That famous man deserves awards!

I spilled the beans, they’re rather hot,

His manhood really hit the spot!

So, if you want the full report,

A tale so wild you’ll laugh and snort,

You’ll have to head to Amazon

And spend some cash on my romcom!