You tiptoe around perfection
Desperate to shine.
You fling yourself
Headfirst into something,
Because this time it might make you
Proud enough
Good enough
But you always end up feeling
A Bit of A Joke
I had a bit of a wobbly moment last night. I'm guessing this wobble will resonate with lots of people. I'm tired, and I'm sore (and here was I thinking hurray, no more pain! Foiled again) and I'm a bit stressed about being sore and I'm waiting for more test results. And, of course I'm tired, it's that time of the year, and the world is burning upside down while waving an open petrol can in the air.
But I admit that these thoughts have followed me around for as long as I can remember.
Never enough.
I know. I'm supposed to do things like stand in front of the mirror and tell myself I'm enough and that I love myself. Does it work? Really? Still waiting! I love myself WAY WAY more than I did a year ago. Which is easy, since I don't think I've ever been so terrifying low. I don't know about you, but I find these thoughts and feelings incredibly difficult to voice with my husband and family. Even if I'm proud of having written over 300 poems this year, and to be in the process of putting a book of poetry together with my daughter, who will do some illustrations. But this "enough" thing? Why is it so hard to be "ENOUGH"? Yes, there's social media and all that jazz. But back when I was in high school there was no social media, and I still had same same but different thoughts. I guess we all did. Some didn't seem to show as much. I don't know!
So yeah, I had a bit of a wobble last night and wrote this in bed on my phone.
But today is a gorgeous day, and I'm so lucky, and I'm meeting someone I've met here on Substack in Girona this afternoon and I'm going to show her around that lovely little town!
That will be enough for today.
Thanks for reading.
Cesca xx
