Sometimes I feel like blowing a fuse,

People appear, I can’t refuse.

They pop in at inopportune times,

With crazy ploys that blow my mind.

Who are these people you might ask?

Just kick them out, you silly lass!

Don’t put up with such lunatics,

With insane thoughts and evil tricks.

 

The problem is, dear concerned friend,

I enjoy being driven around the bend!

These people have such intense lives,

They’re simply not like you and I.

Their problems don’t involve their weight,

Or whether they watched telly late!

Their issues are so glamorous,

They’ve had affairs and want Oscars.

 

It’s not just smooth sailing I’ll have you know,

These glamorous people deal with stuff!

Their closets rattle with old bones,

Their Louis Vuitton trunks are full of woes.

I’m nice you see, and this is why,

I open my doors to them at night.

And night it is from what I see,

I bet my husband’s fast asleep.

Yet here I am, I heard them knock,

I hope it’s not more you know what!

It’s much too late to write sex scenes,

Unless it’s in a limousine…

 

Now they’ve gone quiet, they must have heard,

And thought I was being most absurd.

But they’ll be back, they’ll bring champagne,

They always do, from their “domaine”!

And now my mind is tangled up,

In far too many juicy plots.

This brain spaghetti feeds my fun,

Tell me I’m not the only one?