THE BALLAD OF CALIENTE’S CHICKS
(A bit like The Canterbury Tales. But in Ibiza. With a superstar. And very goofy!)
Caliente’s Chicks, that’s who we are,
Emilio is our superstar.
We are obsessed, know all his songs,
Emilio Caliente we adore.
Emilio’s fan club grew and grew,
To join you promise to be true,
Spread far and wide the Caliente word,
This club’s not open to any old bird.
I’m Emily, I’m CEO,
The biggest fan across the globe.
(My real name’s actually Yvette
I’ve not been institutionalized yet!)
I had the fan club’s top-notch spies,
Trace Emilio to this isle.
Purple Banana, Ibiza,
A roof top terrace private fiesta!
A gaggle of Emilio’s most loyal Chicks,
Flew here especially for this gig.
We rented Vespas, pink and sparkly,
Added balloons, made it a party.
Out in the sticks, on a backroad,
We picked up three regular broads,
Gemma, Laura and Celeste,
Those girls were also headed there.
Bosoms on show, lips all festooned,
We caused a right hullaballoo.
Pulling up outside the ‘Nana!
Gemma got tense, I had to calm her.
Suddenly Celeste revealed a scoop,
Some news so wild I nearly pooped!
I took a breath, gasped “Well, I never!”
Emilio and Gemma, they’re together!
The bouncer opened the sparkly door,
We all rushed in, trilling “Emiiiilioooo!”
And headed to the rooftop bar,
Drank Banana Cocktails beneath the stars.
DJ Moses was such a twat,
His music taste was total crap!
He ignored me for a while,
Requesting Emilio’s salsa vibe.
Then suddenly like in a dream,
A picket fence of laser beams.
Jungle-type prints like henna tattoos,
Bounced off the walls, a bass line boomed.
And there he was, up on the stage,
The most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen.
“Fuego de Amor”, that famous tune,
Drove the crowd wild, set fire to the room.
His repertoire our star performed,
And all of us danced up a storm,
We had brought thongs, we always do,
To throw at him right on my cue.
Gemma took one, so did Celeste
(And Laura obviously chose the best!)
I gave the cue, we screamed and ran,
And hurled those knickers at our man.
I don’t know why, what a to-do!
Some random man out of the blue,
Grabbed Emilio’s Gemma by the arm.
His eyes were wild, she looked alarmed.
What happened next made headline news!
Emilio clearly wasn’t amused,
To defend the one he loved,
He jumped off stage and cuffed the thug!
“Hijo de puta,” Emilio hissed,
And knocked that mystery man for six!
Well goodness me, all hell broke loose,
At the Banana, up on the roof!
Emilio fled with lovely Gemma,
Caliente’s Chicks, we had to help,
We policed the crowd to let them through,
We knew exactly what to do.
While Emilio screamed for his car,
Protecting Gemma, God bless his heart,
We Chicks all ran to find the Vespas,
And rushed right back revving our engines!
Emilio he jumped on behind me,
I was so thrilled I nearly weed!
My mate Gladys, she took Gemma,
And we roared off all together.
Down Ibiza’s darkest roads we raced,
And made it safely to Celeste’s.
Emilio kissed us both goodbye,
Before disappearing into the night.
For as long as I shall live
I will cherish that late-night kiss,
The memory of him pushed up close,
His arms around me as we rode.
( inspired by JUST LIKE A MOVIE, found here)